1. Never say “I could make a pasta dinner blindfolded” in front of two large Australian men, unless you truly can, because you will be making that dinner blindfolded, under the attentive supervision of two large Australian men within two minutes of saying it.
2. I can make a pasta dinner blindfolded.
3. A dishwasher is your best friend. In the absence of a dishwasher, your best friend is the person who will wash the dishes for you. Not the one who asks if he or she can help, but the one who just up and does it.
4. Eat the Damn Cookie. Avoiding what you crave is false virtue. And counterproductive. When I crave something, I eat it. Right away. ‘Cause if I don’t, I will snack my way through the whole frigging kitchen and then……eat, not just one damn cookie, but three. At least. So get it over with, eat the damn cookie, and, if you must, walk around the block a few times. If you must.
5. Health claims on the label of any foods are to be viewed with deep suspicion, if not outright disbelief. Heart healthy, low-fat, low-carb, gluten-free, no saturated fats, natural, fat-free, blah, blah, blah…it’s all bulls**t. If they say it is beneficial in one way, it is sure to be detrimental in some other way they are not chirping so cheerfully on the label for all to notice. If you believe the health claims, well, anything I say might be unkind, so I will refrain. Ultimately, if you are not growing it yourself or know the person who is and if you’re not making it yourself, you are taking your chances.
6. Since I am not growing it all myself (nor will I be any time soon), I try to buy organic or at least buy things in their raw form, grow a little, make as much as I can from scratch, and belong to a Community-Supported Agriculture (CSA) farm. And the rest will just have to take care of itself.
7. Having said #6, since my friend, Adriana, recently pointed out to me that commercial Adobo seasoning doesn’t have MSG, I have brought it back into my kitchen and have been using it. A lot. It’s kind of a heritage food for a Puerto Rican…I mean, I don’t know anyone whose grandmother didn’t use it!
8. A watched pot might never boil, but leave something cooking on the stove by itself for a second to load the washing machine and there goes the smoke alarm!
9. When your eyes are burning up from cutting onions, the fastest form of relief is to run your inner wrists under cold water. Don’t ask me why; it just works (Thanks Kate!).
10. Everything tastes better when eaten with friends. Except chocolate, ’cause I ain’t sharing. So go away.